Me: Bro how your side?
Obinna: Omo I dey o. You dey do anything now?
Me: No o, na just game I dey play and Barca don use my eye see shege. I don tire for them abeg.
Obinna: Oya wear cloth make we go Leisure Lake, Opiro say make we turn up. E be like say e jam small rubs.
Me: I never baf o.
Obinna: You no wan baf before? Anu.
Few minutes later, I emerge looking dapper. All black everything!
Me: O Bee I, E don set o. Make we fall out. O Bee I! O Bee I!! O Bee I!”
Obinna: Guy free me now! Why you dey murmur my name carelessly?
Me: No be you come fall me out from where I been jejely dey?
Obinna: Oga just free me. I no go again.
Me: Nigga na Leisure Lake you wan use do me jiga jiga? I go burst your head. Na me do you? Wey body don do me kulele say I go run brew, meske join, come go cure with Chicken and Chips or maybe Domino Pizza naim you wan do anyhow.
Obinna: Guy free me now! You no dey know when person dey serious ba! I go change am for you o!
Me: Obob bone level. Change ko, oshey APC, I no wan hear anything. I just follow Opiro talk and e talk say e dey enter GH this weekend. So today na today.
Obinna: Biko hapum aka. Biko… biko… Mi o shako.. Jor fimile.
Me: Hian! This wan wey you enter Igbo, matter don serious be that o! Oya yarn me how your mara be.
Obinna: Nna ehn! My P-man dey give me body heat. Person no fit see popsy call make e no first fear to pick am.
Me: Wetin dey happen
Obinna: Omo the man just dey enter me anyhow. E dey ginger say I never marry. My son my son go and marry. E just dey jam-talk.
Me: So na wetin dey make you misdo?
Obinna: Omo the man use me wash no be small. E tell me say Chisom, you know Chisom now, that my banker cousin. E say dem go do knocking of door abi wetin dem dey call am. Say na Obowo chick e wan marry. E talk say the list wey dem give Chisom no be here o!
Me: You don’t mean it men! So when we go go chop the wedding jollof rice?
Obinna: Na Ogun go scatter your head! I dey tell you another thing you dey talk jollof rice.
Me: You never see anything. Wetin dey the list wey we never see. E reach 1 million?
Obinna: Omo popsy dey reason over 4 million. You dey talk 1. E talk say Chisom overdo sef. Dem begin dey hail am. All man for the village just dey call am Ogo! Ogo!! Ogo!!! Say dem been dey do like say dem wan dash am their daughters join. You know say popman dey like chew some careless turkey for mouth.
Me: Dem for kuku make Chisom the king of the village once. Abi kile ni mo so?
Obinna: E never finish o. E say e dey go my aunty side for Ibadan this weekend. E say that my cousin wey from Ukraine enter been launch one crib on her behalf. Na thanksgiving things dem wan run. E talk say make I follow am make the movement!
Me: Make I follow go too now. E don tey wey I chop that kain jollof rice.
Obinna: Thunder fire you! Me wey tell am say I no dey go anywhere. Almost all my cousins don marry. Me go go there with dada. Dem go dey look person like say I shit for nyash. See you wey wan follow me go. See as you be now. Gangsta! Dem go think say we from robbery come outside. Popsy been dey reason say make I find way park comot for this crib. Say na una dey follow dull my movement.
Me: Say God! Oya when you dey go. E don tey wey I dey reason convert your room to shrine. If I finally kill that my uncle for village wey dem talk say dey hold my own progress, na for place like your room I go like keep the man head. So e go dey vomit blood money give me.
Obinna: Bastard. You no fit ever serious for this life.You see say wetin popsy dey talk no be lie. Fucking retard naim you be.
Me: Old gist. Which shoe you dey wear. Opiro just ping me.
Obinna: Your mind still dey the mara? Shuo! Obob you be die hard o.
Me: Old gist. So you wan waste all the prestige wey I don go give myself. Make I bring all-star, E go fit this your jeans. You go come rock that native shirt. Soft!
Obinna: Bringi… Make we go. But no be all those ones wey popsy talk dey mad me o.
Me: Ngwanu dey wear your shoe make you dey tell me the one wey dey mad you.
Obinna: E just dey halla. My Son My Son, Go and marry! My Son My Son, Go and marry! E talk that thing pass 20 times I wan mad. I swear I die well.
Me: Hahahahahahaha. You never see anything. Make we dey go. If you don high, maybe sight kpekus, you go forget My Son My Son, Go and marry!
Obinna: Abeg lock up. You just be bad influence. One day, I go escape you.
Me: E no hard, my son. My Son My Son, Go and marry!
Me: Bro how your side?