Question Aplenty

02383Se na this be the Lagos I been dey hear of since? I have got plenty questions cooking in my head.
Quite obvious, I looked smart and had earned a Bachelors in Information Managment. My grades and academic records till date are unbeatable.
Oh! I forgot to mention. I finished from one renowned Institution somewhere at Okokomaiko.
Quite a challenging experience. Satisfactorily brilliant lecturers and private-funded facilities.
Did I mention that some were dummies and lazy? Some were extreme intellectuals too.
I applied by post to an MNC for the post of ehmmm…I’ve forgotten o.
“What!” I exclaimed. I managed to pass the online test, aided and unaided.
I got an invite for an assessment at the MNC at Ilupeju, Lagos. And I will not miss it for anything.
“Incredible,” I said. Choi, I will show them that the best groomed trainee is on the wait.
I hustled to get some money and I got on board a night flight…sorry, a night bus.
The invite was impromptu and I had to make quick preparations.
As a concealed ‘geek’, I bathed a new gait, accent and clothing overnight.
“Driver! Driver!! Sabo-Yaba, dey o”, I exclaimed as the bus went past Ifako-Ijaye. I got down at about 4am, and did as occasion demanded.
Choi! I gazed at almost everything seeing a “Europe” in Nigeria.
Prepared? I can’t answer that now. After all, I am handsome and had an unbeatable CGPA.
I did the needful and found myself somewhere near Oshodi, and then later, Ilupeju.

“Hey, mate. This assessment, is it a seminar or workshop?”, I stupidly asked.

“No, na conference!” Olayemi angrily replied.

“Na wa o. I came all the way from Victorial Ireland. They shouldn’t waste my time o. I have somewhere to go with our family driver”, I muttered, trying to feel among.
It’s 8 o’clock. We are all gathered as we were told to file-in in alphabetical order. Thank God my grandmother named me Zidane.
I got the paper passed down to me. They were all technical questions!

“Chisos!”, I silently exclaimed.

I knew nothing to write. The invigilators were all scary-looking guys too. I would have had a chance if they were ladies at least. I had no competency and skill to match my highly-worshipped CGPA.
By my left was a graduate from the University of Nothingham and by my far-right, another from University of Siena.

“Hmm…So, there is a school like that?” I tapped the dude and I asked,

“Is that the University of Nothingham that I know in Kenya?”

“Could you stand-up?” asked the invigilator. “Is anything the matter?”

“Solly sir. Not at all,” I replied.

The examiner stepped forward and had compassion on my inability to have attempted any question. He asked me oral-based technical questions that are quite easier than the ones on paper. I could barely compose an answer to any of the questions.

“Okay, What does it mean for a password to be case-sensitive? What is
the full meaning of ATM?”, He asked out of pity.

“Ehmmm….It’s Cap-locking na. ATM? Is it the screen-touch or keypad type?” I answered loudly with great confidence.

“Holy ghost! I cover myself!! How did you earn this sort of grade?” the examiner yelled subconsciously. Very furious and disappointed, his eyes ran through my CV.

“Wow! University of Okokomaiko? I am surprised,” he told his colleague.

“Please, you may submit your (empty) paper. It’s just few seconds to the end of the assessment. We would get back to you as soon as possible,” he said.

I handed my script to the other examiner and I strolled towards the exit. I have got questions aplenty. Abeg, make I no fall my hand more say I wan form ‘buttie scholar’. Chai! So, I been just dey form say I get good First-Class Upper
Divison grade. Is this a dream? Should I expect a success mail or not? Why didn’t they tell us it’s a test and not an assessment? Can’t somebori even sort this course..sorry, assessment?. These and many more rhetorical questions ran through my mind. I kept asking and answering these questions till I realized I had trekked from Ilupeju to Obalende.

Few minutes later, I boarded a bus back to Ojota, my auntie’s residence, just very close to Okokomaiko. The Jahbless boy keeps trying to be funny.

Pwwwwh! I woke up. This beans and pap can make somebori dream too much.

…To be continued.

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