Shey You Go Miss Me?

94002845:40 am (Phone rings)

Pato: Horsething, how far na? Any of those banks don call you for interview?

Horsething: No oh! Na only that Union Bank own wey I tell you and dem never call me back since then.

Pato: I been wan ask you something o. See ehn, if I die, shey you go cry? Shey you go miss me?

Horsething: Na wetin make you dey call me by this kain time? (bursts into laughter). You don mental oooo. Na because of work wey we never get na im make you dey this emotional? Oya na, I no go cry. I no go miss you. Go commit the suicide wey u wan commit. I no get black shirt to mourn you sha. I go wear multicolored designers shirt.

Pato: Guy dey serious na! See ehn. I don tire for everything. Forget degree o, I just apply for this police recruitment. One of my uncles sabi personal assistant to Inspector General. I wan use that connect.

Horsething: Ahn Ahn! With your Computer Science degree and all the dy/dx wey you learn? So, na Olopa you wan end up as?

Pato: Dey laugh me o. You wey don write test for all the banks for Lagos. You na Frank Donga now oooo. Well, gerrout. Ya fada! (drops call)

***

It’s 6:45 pm and boredom is getting the better of me. Make I call Chichi jare, she suppose don close from work.

Chichi: Hello Horsething.

Horsething: Boo-boo, fine geh. What’s happening?

Chichi: Who is your boo? If you like, don’t go and find something to do. You are not getting older.

Horsething: Where’s our relationship going to? Remember, God’s time is the best o.

Chichi: That’s what all poor men say. You are getting on my nerves please. What relationship even? Infact, I am busy with my boss.

Horsething: I know you want to stay with me but my condition is making you avoid me like I have leprosy. If I die now, shebi you will cry. Shebi you will miss me.

Chichi: Whatever! (hisses and cuts call)

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