If your secondary education was in a Nigerian boarding school, you should have experienced some or all of the following:
i.) My Mummy Has Counted My Garri 🤣
If you were among those seniors who were always trying to ‘obtain’ stuff from junior students, you might have heard this. If you were one of those very stingy junior students, you probably said this to a senior who asked you for Garri.
But really, how can one’s Mom be so diligent as to count the grains of Garri before packaging it for the child? 🎁
ii.) I have boil on my bum-bum
Ever tried to flog a junior and he looked at you like he was dying before pleading with the phrase ‘Senior pleaseeeee, I have a boil on my bum-bum’ 😒. Juniors probably used this a lot knowing that most seniors would have no interest in checking out their smelling butts.
iii.) I am not feeling fine.
This is the default appeal by every junior student when caught trying to dodge chores or what they call ‘labour’ . Juniors say this with the most solemn look ever. It will take only a brave heart to see such a face and still insist on them going out for their chores or even flogging them.
In certain Nigerian secondary schools, you are christened a ‘baaaaaasssssstaaaaaaard‘ from the very first day you step into the dormitory. If you choose to catch feelings after the forced ‘baptism’, just be sure you will be miserable for six years. The earlier you accept the harsh fact that most seniors will address you that way, the better for you.
v.) If you have Cabin, come to this side.
“If you have Cabin, come to this side. If you have milk, go that side. If you don’t have any provision, remain in the middle”. That’s how Nigerian secondary school seniors beg. They beg with pride and arrogance garnished with subtle threats.
The juniors already know that they dare not remain in the middle and for that reason you see even those who have nothing to offer go left or right. After choosing a side, you then see them begging their friends to lend them some provisions which they will, in turn, give to the traitor of a senior.
Which ones have I missed? Please, let me know in the comment section