Yellow Face, Black Nyash

Nna, another Monday and I just dey house dey chill still. Which kain life be dis? Make I just bubble small white rice take knack this stew wey maale arrange after church yesterday. If I finish, I go baff come use small change wey dey my pocket take go cybercafe. Anyhow Anyhow, I go see one or two vacancies wey I go fit apply for.
As I enter cafe, na im I see this yellow girl wey dey browse. Chai, na her butt-crack steal my attention pass. She yellow ba, how come her nyansh black so? I like am sha and I must chyke am. Na so I siddon dey wait till her time run out. She come stand up, order another 30 minutes ticket. Me don swear say last-last, I must collect at least phone number. Na dat day I know say I get patience.
As her time run out and she wan comot, I follow up. I manage block am outside and after I speak all the English wey dey my mouth, she agree to follow me go chop snacks for the eatery nearby. Every meatpie wey we chop for there was sincerely ehiz a hit, we come use Orobo Pepsi take wash am down. I come decide to give the girl small lyrics, see wetin I tell am:
“I’ve been thinking about you,
Rolling my fingers through, your wet hair
Take you to the climax, hope you like the view there
Come taste the sweetness of heavens juice
Get youself soaked in the mountain’s dew
I like to go there, soak myself in there
I got a swim wear, well, i’m thinking of going bare
Baby you make me feel with my sixth sense
This passion burning, like the incense
Chasing away the spirits , I’ll drive your stress away
I want to eat you up, slice and dice every piece
Cos this onion booty can make a man cry
Make a man weep, make a man wanna whip
You to submission, baby my mission
is to take your burden off your shoulders
rest on mine, let me blow up your mind
Let me take you so high it will feel divine
like we’re in heaven, I’ll make you make that sound again
Make you sing those heavenly tunes, with my heavenly flute
Baby, I’ve been thinking of playing you, not playing you
I mean, making you wanna grab me, hold me, tell me to stop
But you really mean, baby don’t stop
give me the more, gimme more, you’ve given three, give me four
If you gimme five, won’t be bad at all
I want to make you wanna make love
Make you think outside the box, make me drive you in a bus
I want to open all the pores on your skin
Let all your hairs stand at ease, cos I pay attention
to every detail Every bump, every curve, every junction
As I drive you to your destination
and this is key that turns on your ignition.”
All these while, the girl been just dey quiet. Sometimes, she go smile. Sometimes, she go frown. As I fire am these lyrics finish, she come speak up.
“I doesn’t know I was this pretty o. Inside UNILAG people say I fine but I never know it was true. Are you skidding me? You are funny sha, thanks for the continent,” she said with a wry smile on her face.
As she just dey round up with her Grammy acceptance speech, NEPA come take light. I no remember how I take psyche am say I wan go pee. Omo, if you see as I follow back take fante ehn! I just dey run go my house as I don kukuma spend cafe money on meatpie and Pepsi. The only thing I gain that day na the unsuccessfully bleached butt-crack wey I see.
Well, I live to fight another day.

Chuck Norris and Horsething

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