The Friday She Tried Raping Me

Boredom again! This Friday is lame. Thank God it’s Friday but I’m tired and angry. I wish I could go to a happening place and maybe roll with some chicks but I’m too broke to buy chicken and chips. My oga never pay, said she’ll pay in two weeks. Two weeks ago, she said she’ll pay in two weeks. When I see her mail sef, I’m just too weak. So I’m thinking of my life, laying on the couch, memories playing in my head, na of mumsy dey shout: “Why you no wan meet ur cousin for Dubai? Gate man for there no better pass to sit down for house? Every day dem never pay you, na im be work?”

Back to the present, thinking of how to relieve myself of this stress. Then, I remember a girl’s number I got from a friend. He said she’s always ready and cheap as well. Owner of the house just shut the door out, I guess this is my window to get my candle blown out. So, I give her a call. Damn, she even lives around. 20 minutes later, I get visitor for house but she no come be like her pictures for Instagram. I guess Zuckerberg didn’t really help me here; with all the filters and make up he put up there, im still fit no turn monkey into Victoria Secret model. She black, tall, almost be like my gate. Now, wetin I dey think na how to escape wetin I don put myself today. Even ‘junior’ wey been wake, don go back to sleep.. 20 minutes later, she done finish with her drink. Another 20 minutes, she dey try get on top of me. I swear, I try to just bone how she be, make I just bang, play her music. But I couldn’t, junior couldn’t. She try lose my belt, but I wouldn’t let her. She was a bit let down. Her spirit was up, hoping to get down. She pin me to the wall like say I be woman. Struggling to not have sex felt a little strange. Huge boobs and arms all over my face wey I suppose to chop but the food appearance no fine. All my appetite just start to die. She must have been wondering, na say this guy na priest? Cause he was more excited when he was calling me.

Next thing, I text my bro to come rescue me. Not long after, the guy blared his horn and I heaved a sigh of relief. I like food, I like food, no be to chop anything.