8:30am and my phone don dey ring already? On a normal weekday like this, I dey sleep till like that kain 10:00am. Why this marafucka dey call me so early?
ME: Kevwe, Kilode ehn? Why u dey worry me this kain early momo?
KEVWE: Shurrup joorh! Your mates for village don dey come back from farm by this time. You still dey sleep, how you wan take find work if u no go hustle hard? Everytime na so so sleep. Lazy goat.
ME: Ya Dadi! You call me to make me feel bad ba? As I never kukuma get the job, make I no sleep well? Guy, talk quick jare. You know Ese ba? I been wan kiss am from dream before u carry your bad-luck begin ring my phone. Hurry jare, make I see whether I go fit still meet am.
KEVWE: Chai! That witch for your village don siddon on top your destiny o. Well, I been wan tell you say Police dey recruit. I dey go buy form now, you dey interested?
ME: You be proper mumu my brother. No be you tell me when you dey school say u no fit work for any of the forces. No be you say you no fit even do bank job?
KEVWE: Na joke I been dey na! All those thing wey I talk then na because I never know wetin life dey talk that time. Obi is now a boy and if I see bank work, I go dive am with all joy.
ME: So na olopa work you wan do so? Chai, life is indeed hard. Abeg I no dey interested, hurry get the job jare so I go fit dey use you as escort when I hammer.
KEVWE: Arinze, with the kain sleep wey u dey fire these days ehn, na only nail you go fit hammer. I been wan help a friend but obviously dem don curse you from Abiriba. See ehn, make I go buy the form, fill am, then submit am. As I dey now ehn, na anyhwhere belle face.
ME: You be idiot o, why you come spend five years to study Engineering since na egunje you go end up dey collect for highway? Oya, comot for my phone (cuts call)