The Capital Of Heaven

trees-picture“Good morning my dear brethren.
Our topic for today is the heavenly business.
God said I should tell you to invest.
To come plant your seed in the garden of Eden.
And watch it grow like the beans Jack planted.
Watch it multiply like the bread and fish.
Remember the Lord can give you everything you need .
But he wants you to first sow your seed.
Then you can harvest, that’s how it works.
Give and God will give you plenty.
Fast and show God you can sacrifice.
That’s how you manifest your faith my guy.
Go to church and donate to the building project.
Go to mosque and change the Alfa’s closet.
‘Allah akbar’ we know but first buy tiles for the floor.
God wants you to show him you want his manna.
Don’t be stingy, give and God will grant your request.
Remember the woman and her last jar of oil.
Copy her and watch God anoint your head with oil.
And you’ll be a king amongst your peers.
Blessings will be chasing you everywhere.
You will give birth to twins this year.
And all your enemies will burn in hell.”

These words pierced my heart deeply.
I really want God to help me out.
From this brokenness that has shattered my plans.
Problem is I don’t have the capital to invest in this heavenly business with plenty interest.
Where do I start? I really want progress.
And I know God will answer me once he gets my alert because which other reason would have made him ignore me since?
Kai… Now I see it, I’ve not been giving him shishi.
But today, I must change my ways.
No money for house but I must find a way.
Make I use the money for rent help follow build the house of the Lord.
No be waste, na more like I dey invest.
And na God, so the interest must come.
But after three months, no money dey come.
Landlord don dey knack ko-ko-ko.
Every Sunday, the priest dey ask us for more.
Choir singing songs about how giving brings more.
Everybody standing to go put their offerings.
The usher looking at me weirdly cos I still chuck in.
My eye focused on the offering.
Me I no send I just dey think of something.
How the hell I’m going to get back my profit.

Chuck Norris


  1. lol. Nice piece, OP.
    Leave it for God. God pays and repays.

  2. lol. Original!
    He giveth bread to the eater and seed to the sower.

  3. Hahahaha, this is so funny, Even reverend them dey sow seed? I’ve never heard the preachers donate.

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