It’s a tug of war between me and this emotion.
It’s pulling hard, I’m pulling back, trying not to fall back in the pit.
I was malice in sadness land, the last time I lost the round.
So I’m fighting and screaming and pulling harder this time around.
My will is bleeding, inside me, I’m screaming aloud.
The pain is excruciating, I hate it but it’s like massaging a broken arm.
The enemy is strong, it’s trained, I trained it well.
Fed it with all the nutrients, I watered it well.
Now the apprentice wants to take over the master’s shop.
The madman wants to take over the asylum.
That’s a recipe for chaos, a dish I’m scared to serve.
Tasty, spicy, sweet as addictive as it can get.
Don’t bite of the forbidden fruit, says no one here.
Just a voice playing in my head on a continuous loop.
It can see into the future and knows the gully that awaits.
But the longer it plays, the voice seems farther away.
The harder it is to stretch out my hand and have it pull me back up.
So, I need to be careful and know what’s at stake.
One little mistake, I’d slip and fall back in the grave.
And start looking for ways to dig me back to life.
Scratching the coffin, nails covered in blood and dirt.
That’s why I need someone to whisk me far away.
From the armed robber buried inside my brain.
It wants to kill me and steal my identity/
Adopt my family for his own, friends, family and foes.
Use my body for fun and do what it wants.
Maybe flip friends to foes and turn me to a whore.
I don’t know what it wants but I know I gave it the gun.
Fed it with enough bullets now it is trying to rob my soul.
Trying to steal the virtue that I own and render me alone.
Want to leave me lost in the darkness of despair with no-body to call my own.