Failure as a stepping stone

By Marvin King

You may not be aware, but African parents have a special relationship with failure—they don’t appreciate F’s, and they never shy away from showing it. If you ever had an F on your report card, you know the drill: it’s a blemish on your record, and a summon by your parents.

Sometimes, you’d get scolded; other times, you’d get a beating. Either way, an F was never welcome, no matter the household.

I still remember the time I failed math again the following term. Oh, the shame! But hidden in that sense of shame was an unexpected gift—one that keeps giving, even now.

Over nearly two decades later, I’ve come to some profound realisations. These lessons, born from failure, continue to fuel my growth and even translate to profit.

The Fear of Failing vs. the Fear of Shame

If you think about it, it’s not failure itself that we’re afraid of—it’s the shame that comes with it.

You can almost picture it: that fleeting look of disappointment in people’s eyes. The way their pupils dim for a second, silently screaming, “You failed.” You feel the weight of their unspoken pity. From beneath your lowered chin and fringe-covered face, you can sense their judgement, even when they try to mask it.

Now imagine a world where failure wasn’t met with scorn.

What if, instead of condemnation, you received a pat on the back, some reinvestment, and encouragement to keep trying? If we were raised in an environment like this, would we still fear failure so much? Or would shame cease to hold us back?

Writing and the Fear of Getting It Wrong

Take writing, for example. Many of us are afraid to write because we fear we won’t produce something good.

We worry about a single typo, about our best efforts being criticised, or about sparking a religious, cultural, or political controversy. We’re terrified of being deemed unintelligent, unloveable, inadequate, or unsellable.

This fear keeps us locked in the false safety of doing nothing at all.

The Power of Forgetting

Think back to when you first learnt to ride a bike or climb a tree. Do you remember how many times you fell and scraped your elbows or knees before getting it right? Probably not.

Do you recall every rejection before you met the person who finally said “yes”? Again, you likely don’t.

How about the times you nearly choked on your food or drink? No?

Exactly. Our ability to forget is remarkable, yet we often fail to apply it to the things that truly matter.

Why can’t you forget your financial mistakes and reinvest more intelligently? Why can’t you forget your failures and keep trying? Why can’t you forget your fear—and the shame that comes with it?

After all, the past is the past. That time isn’t this time, and that day isn’t this day. Time and chance happen to all, and your opportunity will come—eventually.

Turning Shame into Growth

The point of trials isn’t that you’re tried—it’s that you retain your ability to retry.

Learn. Unlearn. Relearn. Grow.

Shame, when harnessed correctly, can become the fuel for growth. It’s not the enemy—it’s a reminder that there’s room to improve.

So, let go of your shame and embrace the gift it hides. Learn from it. Forget it. Grow from it.

You just have to.